Recent research published in Journal of social and personal relationships provide evidence that feeling powerful in a romantic relationship is a better predictor of sexual assertiveness than gender. The findings challenge the traditional assumption that men are naturally in charge in the bedroom. Rather, the data suggest that the ability to express sexual desire is deeply tied to the balance of influence between partners.
Sexual assertiveness refers to a person’s willingness to take initiative and independence regarding their sexual desires and behavior. It requires the confidence to ask for what you want and express your needs openly to your partner. Being able to communicate these needs can lead to increased sexual self-esteem and overall relationship satisfaction. It is also associated with improved sexual function and safer sex.
Historically, society has viewed sexual self-assertion through the lens of traditional sexual scripts. These scripts serve as internalized social blueprints that dictate how men and women should feel and behave during intimate moments. These blueprints depict men as active seekers who naturally initiate sex. Women are expected to passively participate, focusing on what is wanted rather than expressing their desires.
These traditional expectations are largely shaped by a concept known as heteronormativity. Heteronormativity is a social system that treats heterosexuality and its associated gender roles as the default or natural way of life. Under this system, the power relationship between aggressive men and submissive women is treated as a biological norm. Traditional sexual scripts essentially translate these rigid social norms into expected patterns of individual behavior.
Early studies often supported these scripts, showing that men report higher levels of sexual assertiveness, but more recent studies have shown inconsistent gender differences. Society is changing, and traditional expectations may be losing influence in some cultures.
Psychological researchers Verena Klein and Robert Kellner noticed this shift and wanted to test whether the traditional view held up to alternative explanations. They proposed that sexual assertiveness may actually derive from the amount of social power a person has within a particular relationship.
“We were interested in the intersection of power and sexuality,” said Kellner, a postdoctoral fellow and researcher at the Department of Personality Psychology at the University of Bamberg. “Specifically, we wondered whether sexual assertiveness, or the ability to effectively communicate and pursue one’s sexual desires and needs, is best predicted by gender, heteronormativity, or power.”
The researchers wanted to uncover the exact cause of this relationship dynamic. “In other words, are men reported to be more sexually assertive than women?” Kellner continued. “Is this pattern observed only in straight couples and not in queer couples, where traditional gender roles may be less relevant? Or is sexual assertiveness primarily about power, the ability to influence a partner to meet one’s goals and needs?”
In this context, power is defined as the degree to which an individual feels able to influence their romantic partner. Popular psychological theory suggests that people with high social power are generally better at pursuing their goals. These people tend to exhibit more agency, the ability to act independently and make free choices. The researchers wondered if this general sense of influence might easily translate into the bedroom.
To investigate this, the researchers compared three competing ideas. The first was the gender hypothesis, which predicted that men would consistently report higher levels of sexual assertiveness. The second, the heteronormativity hypothesis, predicted that gender differences would emerge only in heterosexual relationships with the most strictly traditional scripts. The third is the force hypothesis. This idea suggests that an individual’s perceived influence on their partner, completely independent of gender, is the real driver of sexual assertiveness.
To investigate these dynamics, Klein and Kellner recruited 383 couples from Germany. The sample included 287 heterosexual couples and 96 couples who identified as members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer community. The researchers intentionally included diverse couples to see if the patterns held across different relationship situations.
The average age of the participants was approximately 29 years. They had been in their current relationships for an average of just under five years. Most of the participants were unmarried, but only a few were married. The sample included people with varying levels of education, with approximately half of the group currently enrolled as college students.
Each partner completed an independent online survey lasting approximately 15 to 25 minutes. This study used a standardized questionnaire to measure sexual assertiveness. Participants rated how often they asked about what they wanted sexually and what they said about how active they were about sexual aspects of their lives.
Researchers also measured relationship power using specific psychological scales. Participants rated their ability to get their partner to listen to them and do what they wanted. This scale asked participants to think specifically about their influence in their current romantic relationship, rather than their power in the workplace or society in general.
The researchers analyzed the responses using what scientists call dyadic data analysis. This approach focuses on data from couples rather than isolated individuals. This allows researchers to account for the fact that two people in a relationship continually influence each other. The team used a multilevel statistical model to test all three hypotheses simultaneously.
The data did not support the gender hypothesis. Researchers found no significant differences in sexual assertiveness between men and women. Men did not report higher levels of sexual assertiveness than women. This result contradicts the traditional sexual script that places men as the primary instigators of intimacy.
The heteronormativity hypothesis also did not hold up under scrutiny. The lack of gender differences remained consistent regardless of couple type. Women and men in heterosexual relationships showed very similar levels of assertiveness. The same pattern generally emerged when comparing men and women within same-sex relationships.
Instead, the data provided strong support for the power hypothesis. People who feel they have more power in their relationships consistently report higher levels of sexual assertiveness. This positive link between perceived influence and sexual expression appeared in all types of couples.
“Power was the strongest and only consistent predictor of sexual assertiveness,” Kellner said. “This finding highlights the importance of power in enabling people to communicate and pursue their sexual desires and needs.”
Researchers also found that the strength of this connection varied from couple to couple. The link between personal power and the ability to express sexual needs was strongest in relationships in which both partners generally reported high levels of sexual assertiveness. This points to a unique dynamic in which expressive couples may be more sensitive to power balance.
Interestingly, researchers discovered some unexpected patterns when looking at marginalized groups. Lesbian women scored lower on sexual assertiveness than straight women, and non-binary participants had the lowest scores overall. The authors suggest that this may be explained by intimate justice theory. This theory proposes that historically marginalized groups may have internalized reduced expectations for sexual pleasure due to their social status.
Although this study provides new insights into relationship dynamics, the findings have some notable limitations. This study is based on an observational design. This means that we can only show a correlation between power and assertiveness. It cannot be conclusively proven that feeling powerful directly makes people more sexually active.
Researchers note that longitudinal studies that follow people over long periods of time are needed. Experimental studies may also help confirm the precise direction of this association. Until then, we can only say that scientists have a strong tendency to be both powerful and assertive.
This study also relied on self-report questionnaires to collect data. Survey responses may be changed to appear socially acceptable. This tendency can slightly skew the results, especially when dealing with sensitive topics such as intimacy. Although behavioral observation is an ideal alternative, observing private sexual activity is severely restricted by ethical guidelines.
Another consideration is the geographic and cultural background of the sample. All participants were from Germany, a Western country known for its relatively liberal sexual attitudes. In this cultural context, traditional sexual scripts may be weaker than in other parts of the world.
“Our participants were from Germany, so it remains to be seen whether the findings of this study generalize to other cultural contexts, such as East Asian or Middle Eastern societies,” Kellner said. Norms regarding female sexuality and self-assertion are even more restrictive in certain parts of the world. Testing these theories in diverse cultural settings is an important next step for the scientific community.
Future research could also examine how these dynamics affect single people and those who engage in casual sexual encounters. Power balances and gender expectations tend to work very differently outside of committed, long-term partnerships. Traditional scripts often have more influence in the early stages of dating.
By examining these uncommitted contexts, researchers will be able to shed more light on how social influences shape human sexuality. Understanding the true causes of sexual assertiveness can help inform better relationship counseling. These insights provide practical ways to help individuals live their intimate lives with confidence.
The study, “Breaking the Script: How Gender, Heteronormativity, and Power Interact with Sexual Assertion,” was authored by Verena Klein and Robert Kellner.
