Recent research published in Archives of sexual behavior This provides evidence that the content of a person’s sexual fantasies tends to change depending on whether they are alone or with a partner. Scientists have found that fantasies during sex with a partner often focus on an emotional connection, whereas fantasies during solo masturbation tend to focus on overt arousal or people outside the relationship. These findings suggest that sexual imagination is influenced not only by a person’s internal desires but also by their immediate environment.
People often think of sexual fantasies as private, solitary experiences. However, many studies have shown that people frequently indulge in sexual fantasies while having sex with a committed partner. Despite how common this is, little is known about how the content of these thoughts changes based on the physical environment.
The research team wanted to investigate this dynamic further. Study authors Aki Gormezano and Sari Van Anders said: “Although many people report having fantasized during sex with a partner at some point in their lives, we know surprisingly little about how this compares to fantasies that occur in solitary situations, such as masturbation.”
Gormezano is a postdoctoral fellow at the Canadian Institutes of Health Research and a Michael Smith Health Research BC research trainee at the University of Northern British Columbia’s Faculty of Health Sciences. Van Anders is a Canada Research Chair in Gender/Sex and Sexual Diversity, a Canada 150 Research Chair Awardee in Social Neuroendocrinology, Sexuality, and Gender/Sex, and a Professor of Psychology, Gender Studies and Neuroscience at Queen’s University.
Scientists were particularly interested in two major themes in sexual thinking. The first is eroticism, which refers to explicit physical arousal and physical pleasure. The second theme is nurturing, which includes feelings of emotional intimacy, caring, and closeness.
“Dr. Van Anders’ lab has also had a long-standing interest in issues related to ‘nourishing’ (warm, loving, intimate) and ‘erotic’ (more pleasure-oriented) sexuality, so we were also interested in nourishing and erotic fantasies,” the researchers said. They were also interested in whether having a partner changes who people think about. “And we were interested in ‘objects of fantasy’ because the people people fantasize about can be important.”
“We were also interested in how different aspects of fantasy were related to sexual and relationship satisfaction,” the authors explained. “For some people, fantasies during sex with a partner, especially if the fantasies are about someone other than their partner, may be a cause for worry and anxiety, which may be unnecessary,” the researchers said.
Previous research has typically focused on people in monogamous relationships, that is, relationships with only one partner. For this reason, the authors wanted to understand whether these patterns differ across different relationship configurations that may include multiple partners. To answer these questions, scientists used internet platforms and social media to recruit 546 adults living in the United States and Canada.
To ensure a wide range of perspectives, the scientists assembled a sample evenly split between people who identify as a gender or sexual minority and people who identify as a majority group. All participants had been in a committed sexual relationship for at least 6 months. The researchers chose this period to ensure participants established a baseline level of commitment and intimacy with their partner.
In the main part of the study, participants were asked to describe two specific instances of recent sexual fantasies. First, they detailed a recent fantasy they had while masturbating in solitude. They then described a recent fantasy they had during sex with a committed partner.
For each scenario, participants wrote down who they were thinking about and what happened in their imagination. They also completed a 50-item checklist developed specifically for this study. This survey tool asked participants to rate how strongly various factors, such as specific sexual acts or feelings of love, were present in their thoughts.
After participants described their fantasies, they completed several standardized questionnaires. These additional surveys measured levels of relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and sexual desire. Two researchers then independently coded the objects of the fantasies into three different groups: those about only the partner, those about someone other than the partner, or those involving both the partner and other people.
“One of the key takeaways from our study is that people can have different kinds of sexual fantasies in different situations,” Gormezano and van Anders told SciPost. “Fantasizes during sex with a partner tend to be more nutritious and involve the partner, whereas fantasies during solo masturbation tend to be more erotic, especially when focused on someone other than the partner.”
While masturbating alone, approximately 56 percent of fantasies focused on an external individual, while 26 percent focused solely on their partner. During sex with my partner, my focus changed. About 35 percent of participants were thinking only about their partner, while about 38 percent were thinking about other people.
“In fact, many participants reported fantasizing about someone other than their partner, including during sex, suggesting that these experiences may be more common than assumed and not necessarily a sign that something is ‘wrong’ in the relationship,” the researchers explained. “Relatedly, although there was a subtle link between sexual satisfaction and various forms of sexual desire, we did not find that who people fantasized about was directly tied to their relationship satisfaction.”
The authors found that strong desire for a partner is coupled with highly erotic and highly nutritious fantasies about that partner. On the other hand, experiencing strong desire for attractive strangers was associated with fantasies about outside individuals. Participants with high sexual satisfaction scores were about 63 percent more likely to fantasize about their partner and 90 percent less likely to fantasize about someone outside the relationship.
“We were particularly struck by how much affection appeared in sexual fantasies during sex with a partner,” the scientists said. “While it is often assumed that sexual fantasies, especially among men, are primarily about explicitly erotic content, many participants’ fantasies also included intimacy, love, feelings of being cared for, and emotional connection, especially during sex with a partner. This finding confirms to us that sexual fantasies are not just about arousal, but reflect intimacy and connection.”
The structure of relationships also influences thinking. “Interestingly, we found more similarities than differences across diverse relationship configurations, even though people in relationships involving multiple sexual partners were slightly more likely to report ‘dual fantasies,’ which are fantasies involving both the relationship partner and other people,” the researchers said. People in monogamous relationships reported much higher levels of breastfeeding during sex with a partner compared to solo masturbation.
However, as with all studies, there are some limitations that should be considered. “One important caveat is that we asked people to describe their recent sexual fantasies in their own context, meaning participants were recalling past experiences rather than reporting their fantasies in real time,” the researchers explained. This allowed them to directly compare fantasies, although the exact timing and details of recalled thoughts may have differed between groups.
“Future studies that track daydreams close to when they occur, such as daily diary studies, may provide an even clearer picture,” the researchers suggested. Because the study relies on a single snapshot in time, scientists cannot prove cause and effect. It’s impossible to know whether being sexually satisfied makes you fantasize about your partner, or whether fantasizing about your partner leads to increased sexual satisfaction.
The authors also emphasized that their results describe overall trends rather than fixed rules about individuals. “Although our findings identify broad patterns across participants, sexual fantasies vary considerably from person to person: who they’re about, how erotic or sexual they are, and how they vary depending on the situation. It’s important to note, therefore, that our results describe overall trends rather than fixed rules about individuals or relationships.”
“If your own fantasies look different from the patterns we’ve observed, that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something unusual going on. People vary in whether they find meaningful, emotionally intimate, erotic, or significant in different situations. That difference is part of the natural diversity of human sexuality.”
Scientists will continue to investigate how sexuality changes within the same person under different circumstances. “This study is part of a broader study exploring how sexuality can vary in different contexts within the same person, and the role of nurture and eroticism in sexuality,” the researchers said.
“People talk about sexuality as if it were an individual. Although we sometimes talk about it as if we have one set of stable desires, interests, and preferences, our research suggests that sexuality can be more malleable and context-dependent, for example, depending on fantasy, masturbation, sex with a partner, pornography, or different relationship situations.We are now interested in better understanding how people understand their sexual experiences differently in different contexts, and how this relates to well-being.
The study, “Sexual Fantasies Beyond Solitude and Partner Contexts: Exploring the Targets of Eroticism/Nurture and Fantasy,” was authored by Aki M. Gormezano, Val Kuchko, Sarah B. Chadwick, Jason Burns, Kate Hanker, Marietta Connerman, and Sari M. Van Anders.
