A new study reveals that people who exhibit a certain hostile form of narcissism are more likely to secure a second date, but other types of narcissists actually struggle to make a good impression. This finding suggests that first-dating environments may unintentionally reward hostile traits while penalizing individuals who exhibit vulnerable forms of egocentrism. The study was published in the Journal of Personality.
Pop culture frequently warns about the dangers of dating a narcissist. People with highly exaggerated self-views tend to find it easy to form romantic relationships because of their abundance of superficial charm. Past psychological research has largely supported this idea by examining narcissism as a single broad category.
Modern psychology considers narcissism to be a condition with several different aspects. Psychologists typically categorize this trait into two main areas known as vulnerable narcissism and grandiose narcissism. Vulnerable narcissism includes significantly low self-esteem, a tendency to perceive themselves as a victim, and regularly experiencing shame and anger.
Grandiose narcissism is characterized by an intense sense of superiority and bold social confidence. Researchers have recently begun to split grandiose narcissism into two different routes that people use to maintain an inflated self-image. One route is admiring narcissism, which involves aggressive self-promotion, charm, and a constant desire to be admired by others.
The second route is competitive narcissism. This includes highly defensive and hostile behavior. People with competitive traits tend to be highly aggressive, routinely put others down, and have increased levels of interpersonal hostility.
Braden T. Hall, a psychology researcher at the University of Alabama, led a team that investigated how these three specific traits influence initial romantic attraction. Hall and his colleagues William Hurt and Joshua T. Lambert set out to test the validity of these different narcissist profiles in the real world. They wanted to know whether different types of narcissists are really better at securing dates in a face-to-face setting.
Previous research on this topic has often relied on hypothetical scenarios or simple acquaintance tasks. Some previous speed-dating studies have only measured broad grandiose narcissism and have been unable to distinguish between admiring and rivalry components. By examining three specific areas of personality structure, the researchers hoped to get a more accurate picture of initial romantic attraction. Grouping all grandiose narcissists together can obscure the real dynamics happening during romantic introductions.
To test these different personality dimensions, researchers designed eight heterosexual speed dating events. This study included 129 undergraduate students. Before participating in a dating session, participants filled out an extensive questionnaire to measure their personal levels of admiring, competitive, and vulnerable narcissism.
During the actual event, participants completed repeated 3-minute individual dates. After each brief encounter, they rated their conversation partners on five specific characteristics. These traits include physical attractiveness, intelligence, humor, ambition, and kindness.
Evolutionary psychologists often consider these five attributes to be the absolute basis of romantic attraction across humanity. They represent a potential mate’s overall warmth, basic vitality, and ability to secure resources. Most importantly, participants indicated whether they would like to go on a second date with the person they rated.
The overall results were consistent with basic expectations regarding human attractiveness. Participants who were rated as highly attractive, intelligent, ambitious, humorous, or kind all received more requests for a second date. Intelligence and ambition have proven to be very strong predictors of success, especially when women evaluate men.
When researchers looked at narcissism scores, the results defied standard expectations. People who scored high on competitive narcissism received more requests for a second date than others. Hostile individuals typically engage in aggressive behavior that damages relationships over long periods of time, and this happened.
The researchers did not find that rival individuals were rated as more attractive or kind by their partners. The study authors suggest several potential reasons for this unexpected success. One possibility is that competitive people thrive in competitive environments and subtly undermine others in the room in order to appear socially superior.
Another possibility involves appealing to a dark and rebellious identity. During a brief encounter, people may find the confident, rule-breaking attitude of a rival with them temporarily appealing. The strict politeness of a three-minute date may also prevent the truly aggressive elements of rivalry-filled narcissism from fully surfacing during the first meeting.
Those who scored high on admiring narcissism experienced very different results. These people generally flaunt charm and social daring, but no further success has been achieved. In fact, women with heightened admiration narcissism are far less likely to receive second date offers from men.
Men high in admiration narcissism had no effect on their dating success. Researchers believe that people who are highly admirable may come across as overly dominant or boastful. It’s also possible that they seem unapproachable and potential suitors reject them prematurely to avoid the emotional pain of future rejection.
Vulnerable narcissists have encountered the most difficult situations in dating. Participants who scored high on vulnerable narcissism had dramatically fewer requests for second dates. According to the data, this primarily happened because daters rated them as less physically attractive and less humorous.
Vulnerable narcissism is closely associated with deep anxiety, depression, and a tendency to use self-destructive humor. Researchers suggest that this inner turmoil may be expressed outwardly in love interests. High anxiety can cause these people to seem physically nervous and unable to engage in the light-hearted banter necessary for a successful first date.
The researchers also noticed a pattern of behavior with general selectivity. Participants who said yes to almost everyone they encountered ended up receiving fewer positive responses. Researchers suspect that a lack of romantic selectivity may be responsible for appearing hopeless during conversations.
This study presents several limitations that need to be considered. The speed dating format relies on just three minutes of interaction. Rival narcissists may seem able to maintain an attractive mask for short periods of time, but their toxic traits make relationships unstable over time.
The research team also relied on a sample of U.S. college students. This population may not be representative of dating behavior across different age groups and diverse cultural backgrounds. Additionally, participants generally scored below the extreme end of the rivalry narcissism scale.
Future observational studies might track relationships over weeks or months to see when the initial attraction of rivalry narcissism begins to wear off. Additional studies might also assess participants using reports from close friends, rather than relying independently on self-report questionnaires.
The study, “Are narcissistic people more successful in dating? Evidence from speed dating studies,” was authored by Braden T. Hall, William Hurt, and Joshua T. Lambert.
