Recent research published in journals Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin Evidence shows that how single people think about their relationships is related to how happy they are single. Scientists have found that single people who expect high levels of intimacy in relationships are more likely to seek out partners and ultimately have satisfying relationships. On the other hand, expecting negative relationship experiences tends to lead people to remain single, suggesting that an individual’s image of partnership has a significant impact on their romantic future.
Being single is becoming an increasingly popular lifestyle choice around the world. As a result, scientists are beginning to pay closer attention to the factors that make single life fulfilling. Most of my previous work has focused on the direct experience of being single, including people’s friendships, family connections, and sexual relationships. However, little attention has been paid to how single people consider the alternative path of forming romantic partnerships.
“As singleness becomes more and more common around the world, a growing body of research is beginning to explore how singleness brings satisfaction, focusing primarily on what it’s like to be single (e.g., what are your friendships like?),” said Taylor Wells, a doctoral student at the University of Toronto. “However, few studies have examined how thinking about the alternative (being in a relationship) affects their experiences while single. Because single people are surrounded by people in relationships, are exposed to messages about the value of partnership, and often become partners themselves, they may form expectations about what being in love is like, and these expectations can influence their well-being while single.”
To explore these ideas, researchers analyzed data from the German Family Panel, a large longitudinal study that tracks relationships and family dynamics over time. Longitudinal studies collect data from the same participants at multiple points in time, allowing scientists to observe how variables change. The authors focused on 5,113 participants who were single at the first interview. Data collection spanned six alternating waves over several years.
Participants reported their gender, age, and sexual orientation. The survey also measured their relationship expectations. This includes asking how much they expect to participate in activities with their partner, receive affection, gain social status, or obtain economic benefits. Participants also rated their negative expectations, such as fearing they would get bored, facing stress, and feeling limited by their romantic partner.
Researchers asked participants how satisfied they were with their single lives and whether they wanted a partner. Over time, the team tracked whether participants remained single or started relationships. For those who found a partner, the survey measured overall relationship satisfaction.
This finding suggests that single women and men have different prospects for romantic partnerships. Although women reported expecting higher levels of intimacy from their relationships, they also reported expecting more negative outcomes, such as feeling burdened or restricted. On the other hand, men were more likely to expect their social or economic status to improve once they started dating.
“Previous research suggests that women tend to be happier when they are single than men, so it’s no surprise that women reported higher negative expectations than men,” Wells said. “However, we did not expect that women would also report higher intimacy expectations. Taken together, these findings suggest that women view relationships not only as potentially stressful and limiting, but also as sources of affection and companionship, and may have mixed expectations. Given all the talk that women are happier single, this may help us understand why so many women are still drawn to partnerships.”
When looking at overall happiness, the data showed that people with higher intimacy expectations were less satisfied with being single. These people also reported a strong desire to find a partner. Over time, people with higher expectations for intimate relationships were less likely to remain single. When they do get into a romantic relationship, they tend to be more satisfied with their new partner.
“Expectations matter! If you’re single, your expectations about romantic relationships can have a significant impact on how satisfied you are with your singleness and how badly you want a romantic partner,” Wells explained. “For example, if you expect a relationship to provide love, security, and companionship, you may be dissatisfied with being single and want to be in a relationship. Our data also showed that single people with these expectations were more likely to actually have a relationship in the future and be satisfied with that relationship.”
On the downside, having a pessimistic view of partnership had little long-term benefit to singleness satisfaction. When participants temporarily increased their negative expectations, they reported a small increase in satisfaction with being single. But having consistently negative expectations doesn’t make you happier overall when you’re single.
“We were also surprised that having negative expectations about a partnership was not as strongly associated with happiness as a single person,” Wells said. “It’s very common in the singles space to talk about the downsides of relationships and how single people are better off in comparison. So I thought maybe that was reflected in these expectations.”
“Specifically, we thought that single people with more negative expectations would feel more fulfilled in being single. If that option is viewed negatively, wouldn’t your current situation seem more ideal?” But we don’t find much evidence to support this. In waves where participants reported higher-than-usual negative expectations for themselves, they reported slightly higher satisfaction with being single and lower desire for a relationship. So while these more negative evaluations may provide a small temporary boost, they may not be effective,” Wells said. long term strategy. ”
Still, negative expectations do shape romantic trajectories. “Interestingly, single people who expected relationships to be more negative (boring, stressful, restrictive, etc.) reported no more or less satisfaction with being single or no desire for a partner compared to single people who had less negative expectations,” Wells said.
“However, single people who expected a more negative relationship experience were less likely to enter into a relationship in the future, and if they did, they reported lower satisfaction. So even if negative expectations don’t have a significant impact on their single experience, they may help single people accurately predict that love may not be for them.”
As with all research, there are some limitations. This data was obtained from a specific sample of mainly young German singles, and the findings may not apply to older people or people from different cultural backgrounds. Additionally, the survey only recorded whether participants were previously married, and did not ask about their broader relationship history. A person’s past experiences with casual dating and long-term partnerships can shape their current expectations.
“The data we used in this study only collected information about whether participants had been previously married, not their extensive dating history,” Wells said. “Single people who have ever been in a relationship may have different expectations than single people who have never been in a relationship. Furthermore, because our participants were relatively young German singles, it is important to note that these findings may not be replicated in other settings.”
Wells highlighted another limitation, adding: “More young people are identifying as single, but so are older people. Older people may have very different expectations about relationships, given that their personal experiences may differ. Future research examining these individual differences will help us better understand the role that expectations play in shaping experiences of being single.”
The researchers also noted that cause and effect cannot be proven. A self-fulfilling prophecy occurs when a person’s beliefs about a situation influence their behavior in such a way that those beliefs become reality. Because this study looked at trends over time, scientists cannot be sure whether expectations directly cause these relational outcomes.
“Finally, we don’t know why expectations have this effect,” Wells said. “Do people have a very accurate idea of what a partnership will be like for them, or is it a self-fulfilling prophecy where if they go into a partnership with a different mindset, their experience of the partnership will be different? We can’t tell that from our data.”
In the future, the research team hopes to explore the origins of these romantic beliefs. “Now that we have a better understanding of single people’s romantic expectations, we want to explore where those expectations come from,” Wells said. “Past romantic experience may be particularly informative. For example, if you’ve previously been in a relationship that provided high levels of love and security, you may expect that from your future relationships as well. But other sources, such as the media or the experiences of others such as parents or friends, may have an influence, especially for single people who have never been partnered.”
The study, “Happily Ever After? Singles’ Expectations of Romantic Relationships Are Associated With Singlehood Satisfaction and Future Romantic Outcomes,” was authored by Taylor Wells, Elaine Hoan, and Geoff MacDonald.
