An analysis of data from the German Family Commission found that relationship satisfaction continues to decline for both men and women after becoming parents. These declines appear to be primarily driven by increases in negative couple behaviors (such as conflict) and decreases in positive behaviors (such as emotional intimacy and gratitude). For women but not men, increased domestic work also contributed to the decline, albeit to a surprising extent. The paper was published in. marriage and family journal.
The transition to parenthood is a major life change that affects both social roles and psychological functioning. As an individual assumes the role of caregiver, it brings increased responsibilities, new routines, and adjustments to identity.
Many parents experience a mix of stress and anxiety, along with positive emotions such as joy and meaning. However, sleep deprivation, time pressure, and financial worries from caring for a newborn all contribute to the psychological strain during this time. Relationships between partners tend to change, requiring new forms of communication, cooperation, and responsibility sharing.
Social networks have also changed, increasing reliance on family support and connections with other parents. Some people experience mental health issues such as anxiety and postpartum depression. At the same time, parenting can increase a sense of purpose, personal growth, and emotional fulfillment.
Study author Matthias Pohlmann-Schult points out that new parents tend to have lower relationship satisfaction. He wanted to investigate the factors that could lead to this decline. The authors hypothesized that parental duties would increase couples’ negative behaviors, limit parents’ ability to engage in positive interactions, and change the division of roles within the household, further contributing to decreased relationship satisfaction.
The study’s authors analyzed data from the German Family Panel, a longitudinal study of family relationships conducted annually from 2008 to 2022. Although the study began in 2008 with 12,000 participants, this analysis was limited to participants who lived in mixed-gender couples or nonmarital relationships, had no children in the first year of observation, and participated in at least two surveys.
In total, this included 4,186 participants and 4,462 relationships. This difference stems from the fact that 260 respondents reported having had multiple relationships during the study period. To avoid bias, the researchers limited the analysis to one relationship per participant. After further exclusion of missing or inconsistent data, the final number of participants was 4,108. During the study period, 1,581 respondents became parents and 2,527 remained childless.
This analysis examined participants’ relationship satisfaction (“Overall, how satisfied are you with your relationship?”), parental status (i.e., age of firstborn child), and division of household chores (“To what extent do you and your partner share in the following (3) areas?” The areas were housework and shopping. We used data on perceived fairness (“Looking at both household chores and paid work: how fair is the division of labor between you and your spouse/partner?”), positive, and positive and fair. Negative couple behaviors (Network of Relationship Inventory), health status, and some demographic data.
The results confirmed that relationship satisfaction tended to decline after participants became parents. This decrease was slightly greater in women than in men. Participants continued to report declines in relationship satisfaction 6 to 13 years after becoming parents, and declines after this period were similar for men and women.
Further analysis revealed that this decrease was primarily predicted by increases in partner negative behaviors (conflict), but also by decreases in partner positive behaviors (particularly loss of emotional intimacy and appreciation). Apart from parental status, changes in relationship satisfaction were also predicted by pregnancy status, health status, and, for men only, marital status. Interestingly, both men and women reported increased relationship satisfaction while women were pregnant.
Results also showed that the transition to childcare was associated with a shift in domestic labor to women. In other words, after becoming parents, mothers were more likely to report doing an equal or better amount of housework, whereas fathers were less likely to report doing an equal or better amount of housework. These changes persisted through the firstborn’s early to middle childhood.
But importantly, the study found that this unequal division of housework and the resulting sense of unfairness had a surprisingly small effect on relationship happiness. For men, relationship satisfaction was not affected. For women, doing more housework and feeling that it was unfair reduced their satisfaction, but it accounted for only about 5.7% of the overall decline in happiness, much smaller than the effects of more fighting and less emotional connection.
“The results reveal a significant and persistent decline in relationship satisfaction for both new mothers and fathers. This finding may not be unexpected, but extensive financial and institutional support exists to ease the burden of child rearing, and work and family “It remains noteworthy in the German context, where conflict is relatively low. Given the relatively strong support available to parents in Germany, the decline in relationship satisfaction reported in this study is likely to be smaller than that observed in countries with lower levels of support,” the study authors concluded.
This study contributes to scientific understanding of how romantic relationships develop after the transition to parenthood. However, it should be noted that this study investigated relationship satisfaction in a specific cultural and social context in Germany. Results may vary in other countries and cultures.
The paper “Why parent-child relationships strain relationships: Exploring the mechanisms behind decreased relationship satisfaction” was authored by Matthias Pollmann-Schult.
