A woman’s reaction to an unfaithful partner may depend on a combination of personality traits, attachment style, and past romantic experiences. Research examining these personal characteristics suggests that certain behavioral tendencies are associated with whether a person forgives a cheating partner or stays in the relationship. The results of this study were published in The Journal of Psychology.
When a romantic partner develops a secret sexual or emotional relationship with someone else, the betrayed partner often experiences immense pain. Infidelity is one of the most common reasons couples break up or divorce. For the cheated partner, discovering the affair can have a serious impact on their mental health.
Statistically, women in heterosexual relationships are more likely to experience unrealistic relationships with their partners. The aftermath of this deception can cause severe depression, anxiety, and a precipitous decline in overall mental health. Even if the couple decides to stay together, the betrayed person is very likely to still endure emotional distress.
The researchers wanted to understand what personal characteristics might determine who is most vulnerable to these negative outcomes and who we are more likely to forgive. Lead author Grace White, a psychologist at the University of Central Florida, designed the study with Alejandra Medina Fernandez and Adrianna J. Valencia to explore this dynamic. They investigated women’s actual and expected reactions to betrayal in romantic relationships.
To construct their behavioral profiles, researchers relied on several established psychological concepts. The first is the five-factor model of personality, which groups human behavior into five major traits. Extraversion refers to a sociable and highly social nature. Neuroticism includes a tendency towards negative emotions such as anxiety and mood swings. Agreeableness reflects a person’s tendency to be cooperative and considerate. Conscientiousness relates to organization and trustworthiness, while openness relates to a preference for novelty and creativity.
The research team also investigated adult attachment styles. According to attachment theory, bonds formed in early childhood influence how adults relate to their romantic partners. Insecure attachment comes in several forms. Anxious attachment involves a constant fear of rejection and a fear that your partner won’t truly return your love. Dependent attachment refers to how much a person depends on others and believes that they will be there for them. People with a highly dependent attachment style may go to great lengths to maintain relationships so as not to lose their source of support.
Self-esteem and commitment were the final two variables investigated in the study. Self-esteem refers to an individual’s overall sense of self-worth and self-acceptance. People with low self-esteem may rely on external validation and blame themselves when their partner cheats. Commitment involves a conscious intention to stay in the relationship and acts as a protective wall against breakup.
To test how these characteristics were related to infidelity, researchers surveyed 400 women. The average age of participants was 22 years. The majority of women were in relationships, but a minority were engaged or married.
Participants completed an extensive questionnaire designed to measure their personality traits, attachment styles, self-esteem, and level of commitment to relationships. They were also asked if they had ever experienced a partner cheating in a current or past relationship. If so, they were asked to reveal whether they continued the relationship after the affair was discovered.
To gauge their anticipated reactions to infidelity, the researchers presented the women with two hypothetical scenarios. First, the women were asked to imagine their partner being emotionally involved with someone else without sexual contact. They were then asked to imagine their partner having casual sex with someone else without any emotional involvement. For each scenario, women rated how likely they were to forgive the betrayal and how likely they were to remain with their partner.
Researchers excluded 73 participants from the final analysis due to incomplete responses on some surveys. This left a sample of 327 women. Next, the researchers used statistical modeling to examine associations between participants’ personal characteristics and relationship decisions.
Almost half of the women in the study reported experiencing partner infidelity in a past or current relationship. Approximately 43% of those who were cheated on were able to maintain the relationship after the affair was discovered. When researchers tried to link women’s personality traits and attachment styles to their actual decision to stay with their cheating partner, the results were not statistically significant. The predictive model could not accurately determine who stayed based on personal characteristics because the subset of women who actually cheated and stayed was relatively small.
The data surrounding the hypothetical scenario revealed a modest but clear association. Overall, women overwhelmingly disagreed whether they would forgive or stay with their partner for either type of infidelity. Even with this baseline of broad disapproval, small variations emerged based on women’s individual profiles.
Women high in extraversion were less motivated to maintain the relationship after assuming an emotional event. Researchers suggest that extraversion is strongly associated with sociability and seeking new connections. Because of this, sociable people may feel more confident in their ability to break up with an unfaithful partner and ultimately find a new one.
Attachment style also played a measurable role. Women with high dependent attachment scores reported being slightly more likely to forgive imagined sexual infidelity. These same women reported an increased desire to maintain the relationship after the emotional event. This is consistent with psychological theories that suggest that dependent people may tolerate unhealthy behaviors in order to maintain close bonds.
Conversely, insecure attachment was associated with a variety of emotional responses. Participants with low levels of anxious attachment were slightly more likely to forgive imagined emotional infidelity. Women with low self-esteem also reported being slightly more likely to forgive imagined emotional events. This may be because people with low self-esteem are more likely to accept responsibility for their partner’s actions.
Past romantic experiences shaped women’s expectations for their own future behavior. We predicted that women who had been cheated on in real life would be slightly more likely to forgive and stay if they committed sexual infidelity than women who had never been cheated on. Forty-three percent of the betrayed women in this sample actually stayed with their partners, so their hypothetical predictions reflect actual reality.
When comparing the two types of hypothetical events, researchers noticed small differences. Participants indicated that they were somewhat more forgiving of emotional events than sexual ones. The women generally found both scenarios inexcusable, but given the physical violation they expected slightly harsher punishments.
The researchers advise interpreting these findings with caution. The statistical effect size found in the model was very small, meaning that personality and attachment only explain a small portion of people’s reactions to infidelity. As the researchers emphasize in a quote from a previous methodological paper in the field: “It is not possible to classify effects as small or large without considering contextual factors.” Relationships involve a myriad of variables, and no single characteristic can predict behavior with absolute certainty.
The study’s demographic composition also limits its conclusions. Participants were primarily young, white, and unmarried. Reactions to infidelity can vary widely among older adults, couples with children, or individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds. Men may also process betrayal through completely different psychological mechanisms.
Understanding how a wide range of personal characteristics influence a person’s willingness to forgive can help mental health professionals tailor treatment. Some people end the relationship quickly after being betrayed, while others try to reconcile. Recognizing the underlying characteristics that drive these choices is an important step in helping you recover from romantic deception.
The study, “Discovering Forgiveness: The Association Between Personality, Self-Esteem, Attachment, and Commitment on Women’s Actual and Expected Reactions to Infidelity” was authored by Grace White, Alejandra Medina Fernandez, and Adrianna J. Valencia.
