New research published in Sexual behavior archives It turns out that asexual women seek emotionally intimate relationships, but they tend to prefer nontraditional settings like platonic relationships over traditional monogamy. This finding highlights how expectations for intimacy and partnership follow different paths when sexual desire is not the primary factor.
Asexuality is generally defined as feeling little or no sexual attraction to others. Importantly, many asexual people still experience a strong desire for emotional intimacy, so a lack of sexual attraction does not necessarily mean a lack of romantic attraction.
The authors of the new study sought to better understand how sexual attractiveness influences how people envision their ideal partnership. By examining asexual people’s preferences, researchers can examine how partner selection and relationship goals change when sexual attraction decreases or disappears.
“Many people think that everyone experiences sexual attraction, and many previous studies suggest that sexual attraction is the main driving force behind partner and relationship preferences. However, this excludes asexual people who experience little or no sexual attraction,” explained study author Paula Bunge, a doctoral student at Tilburg University.
“It also raises the question of what drives the partner selection process for these people, for whom sexual attraction is likely to play a minimal role in the context of dating and relationships. To address this, we identify ideal long-term partners and specific relationship types (e.g. We looked at whether asexual and heterosexual women’s preferences for “sexual relationships, hookups, platonic relationships, and celibacy differ.”In doing so, we hoped to gain a better understanding of the full range of human (non)sexuality.”
To explore these differences, scientists used data from the Ideal Partner Survey, a large-scale, multinational online survey. Initial data included 51,775 participants who identified as women, of whom 51,328 identified as heterosexual and 447 identified as asexual. The average age of heterosexual participants was 25.13 years, while asexual participants were slightly younger at 24.03 years.
Comparing these two groups directly can be difficult because they may differ in other ways, such as age or geographic location, which could skew the results. To solve this problem, scientists used a statistical technique called propensity score matching. This method pairs each asexual participant with a heterosexual participant who shares similar characteristics such as age, country of residence, language, and relationship status to find statistical twins.
By creating these well-matched pairs, the researchers were able to be confident that differences in relationship preferences were driven by sexual orientation rather than external factors. The matching process resulted in three slightly different sample sizes depending on the specific survey section being analyzed. The relationship options sample included 646 women, the partner preferences sample included 780 women, and the self-ratings sample included 772 women.
Scientists have found that asexual women are less interested in purely sexual or traditional monogamous relationships. They also expressed less interest in becoming parents than heterosexuals. Instead, asexual women were more open to non-sexual romantic relationships, more likely to be single, and to engage in consensual non-monogamy.
“One of the strongest effects we observed was that asexual women were less interested in becoming parents than heterosexual women,” Bunge told SciPost. “Having children is often associated with traditional relationships that include sex, which may not be what asexual women want in the first place.”
“Furthermore, for asexual women, finding a partner with whom they want to raise children and maintaining this partnership may seem more difficult, especially if they are in a relationship with a homosexual partner, as they may have to negotiate the level of physical intimacy they are comfortable with. Anticipating these challenges, asexual women may prioritize alternative, perhaps nontraditional, life paths over parenthood.”
Alternative committed relationships were particularly popular among asexual participants. These settings often involve deeply platonic relationships that provide emotional intimacy without expectations of traditional romantic or sexual partnerships. This provides evidence that asexual women still seek strong bonds, but prefer to build them outside of standard cultural expectations.
When asked about their ideal long-term partner, both asexual and heterosexual women rated kindness, supportive attitude, education, and intelligence highly. The two groups ranked these traits as their most desirable qualities, suggesting that they almost universally preferred emotional support and cognitive ability. However, asexual women placed less importance on partner characteristics that were consistent with traditional dating expectations.
Specifically, asexual women cared less about whether their partner was physically attractive, sexually experienced, confident, assertive, or financially stable. In evolutionary psychology, traits such as financial security and physical attractiveness are often considered indicators of reproductive fitness and the ability to support a family. The deemphasis of these characteristics suggests that other factors drive partner selection when reproduction and sexual intimacy are not the primary goals.
In this study, participants were asked to rate their own personal characteristics on exactly the same scale. Asexual women consistently rate themselves lower on all attributes compared to heterosexual women. They considered themselves less confident, less physically attractive, and less sexually experienced.
This pattern is consistent with previous research showing that asexual people are more likely to experience negative body image and social withdrawal. In general, people tend to seek out partners with similar characteristics and overall likability to themselves. As a result, these lower self-evaluations may help explain why asexual women place less importance on these specific characteristics in an ideal partner.
“Experiences with intimacy vary, and when sexual attraction diminishes or disappears, expectations and desires for partnership can take different paths,” Bunge says. “Our findings highlight that asexual women desire emotionally intimate relationships, but are less interested in purely sexual relationships or traditional monogamy. They are more open to being single and to non-traditional partnerships, such as platonic relationships and consensual non-monogamy. They also appear to place less value on partner characteristics valued in traditional dating culture, such as physical attractiveness and confidence.”
A potential misinterpretation of these findings is the assumption that all asexual women want exactly the same type of relationship. Asexuality is very diverse, and this umbrella term covers many different identities and variations of romantic attraction.
“While we found that there are clear differences between asexual and heterosexual women, it is important to recognize that experiences of asexuality are diverse and that asexuality includes many sub-identities,” Bunge said. “Some asexuals never experience sexual attraction, others only after forming an emotional bond (such as demisexuals), and some people who are in between asexual and sexual (such as greysexuals) feel romantic attraction. In our study, we were not able to distinguish between these nuances of asexual identity, but they can influence what someone is looking for in a partner or relationship.”
This study has several limitations, including the fact that the researchers were unable to distinguish between these specific romantic sub-identities in the data. This survey does not provide a strict definition of asexuality and is based on a single self-assessment question regarding sexual orientation. This means that participants may have interpreted the labels differently depending on their personal experiences with intimacy.
Additionally, the sample was comprised almost entirely of women, and the majority of matched participants lived in Western countries such as the United States and Germany. Information on ethnicity, socio-economic status, and education level was also not available. Future research should include more diverse demographics, with a particular focus on men and gender-diverse individuals from different cultural backgrounds.
“Expanding future research to include more nuanced measures of asexuality and its subdimensions (such as romantic orientation) would help better capture the diversity of asexual people’s experiences,” Bunge explained. “It would be particularly interesting to learn how sexual and romantic attraction, individually and in combination, influence people’s partner and relationship preferences.”
“Only a small portion of the population identifies as asexual, but this small group is understudied and therefore poorly understood. Assuming sexual attraction is universal overlooks the diverse relationship experiences and It is important to fill this research gap in order to strengthen nonconformist norms and health frameworks. Research on asexuality broadens our understanding of intimacy and well-being and challenges overly narrow notions of what constitutes a ‘good’ relationship.”
“I would like to thank all participants for sharing their experiences,” Bunge added.
The study, “What Do Asexual Women Want? A Propensity Score Matching Study of Preferred Relationship Options and Ideal Partner Preferences,” was authored by Paula C. Bunge, Laura J. Botzet, Amanda A. Shea, Virginia J. Witzham, and Tanja M. Gerlach.
