People with high levels of narcissism are more likely to lash out using certain types of passive-aggressive behaviors when they feel ignored or excluded by others. Recent research published in psychology journal It turns out that these people tend to retaliate against social exclusion by indirectly provoking peer criticism. These results reveal how covert hostility operates in everyday social and professional relationships.
Psychologists define narcissism as a personality trait characterized by intense focus on oneself, belief in personal superiority, and a constant desire for approval. It exists on a spectrum, meaning that most people have some level of narcissistic traits, rather than simply being categorized as narcissistic or not. Researchers typically classify this trait into two major subtypes. Grandiose narcissism involves high self-esteem, an exaggerated self-image, and a controlling attitude toward others.
Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by a fragile self-concept, difficulty regulating emotions, and hypersensitivity to criticism. Both subtypes share a foundation of arrogance and self-centeredness. People with elevated levels of either type frequently antagonize others and act aggressively. Provocations such as being humiliated or negatively evaluated often provoke such aggressive reactions.
Social exclusion, or ostracism, is a particularly common type of provocation. Ostracism occurs when a person is ignored or left out of a group due to subtle behaviors such as unreplyed messages or the silent treatment. Because humans have evolved to rely on group membership for survival, detecting social exclusion immediately causes psychological distress.
When people perceive themselves to be marginalized, they experience an immediate threat to their basic psychological needs, such as a sense of belonging and self-esteem. According to a concept known as the threatened egoism model, narcissists have extremely fragile self-esteem. When they sense signs of social exclusion, they interpret these subtle cues as serious threats to their sense of self. People typically respond by trying to restore a sense of belonging or retaliating to regain a sense of control.
Past experiments have shown that people with high levels of narcissism act aggressively toward people who reject them. Much of this past research relied on laboratory settings where participants were explicitly told that they had been rejected. These controlled scenarios do not necessarily reflect the nuanced situations in which people experience social rejection in their daily lives. Direct aggression, such as screaming or physical violence, is generally socially unacceptable and has serious consequences.
To avoid these consequences, people often resort to indirect hostility, also known as passive-aggressive behavior. Passive aggression involves secretly expressing negative emotions, such as sabotaging a co-worker’s project or manipulating a conversation to humiliate someone. This can manifest as what past researchers have called “sulky passive-aggressive behavior,” expressing hostility without direct confrontation. The hidden nature of these acts makes them difficult to prove or directly address.
Daniel Waldeck, a psychology researcher at Coventry University in the UK, and his colleagues wanted to understand how everyday social contempt influences this veiled hostility. The research team’s goal was to investigate whether a person’s general perception of being marginalized outside the laboratory predicted that person’s passive-aggressive behavior. They specifically focused on how this dynamic affects people with high levels of narcissistic traits.
To investigate these behavioral patterns, the research team recruited 219 adult participants through social media platforms and data collection websites. Volunteers ranged in age from 18 to 64 years old. Each participant completed an online survey consisting of several standardized psychological questionnaires. The researchers asked participants to rate statements aimed at gauging their levels of grandiose and vulnerable narcissism.
The survey also assessed how often participants felt excluded in their daily lives over the past six months. Researchers modified a standard workplace questionnaire to capture common feelings of being ignored or excluded in all social situations. Finally, participants answered questions about their tendency to exhibit three different types of passive-aggressiveness. These three types provoked criticism, sabotaged others, and ostracized others.
Inciting criticism includes acts like humiliating someone in public by sharing embarrassing secrets. Sabotage refers to pretending to help someone, but secretly sabotaging that person’s efforts. Ostracizing simply means giving someone the silent treatment or intentionally excluding them. The research team then used statistical models to examine the relationships between participants’ personality traits, feelings of exclusion, and reported behaviors.
The data revealed that higher levels of overall narcissism predicted a greater likelihood of engaging in two specific passive-aggressive behaviors. Those who scored high on narcissism were more likely to report provoking criticism and sabotaging others. Experiencing high levels of social exclusion on a daily basis also predicts these same two behaviors. Neither narcissism nor perceived ostracism predicted a tendency to ostracize others.
When researchers looked at how these factors interact, they noticed distinct patterns related to eliciting criticism. The association between narcissism and eliciting criticism was stronger for participants who reported feeling highly excluded. Basically, when people with narcissistic traits feel ignored, their urge to indirectly humiliate others seems to be amplified. This amplification effect did not occur for acts of sabotage or exclusion.
The researchers then separated the data into two subtypes of narcissism to see if the pattern held true for both. They found that the amplified urge to provoke criticism was caused exclusively by grandiose narcissism. People with high levels of grandiose narcissism were significantly more likely to attack others indirectly when they felt socially excluded. In contrast, vulnerable narcissism showed no interaction with perceived ostracism.
Researchers note that this difference may be due to how each subtype handles threats to the ego. For someone with grandiose narcissism, just feeling ignored can be enough of a provocation to trigger a retaliatory passive-aggressive response. In contrast, vulnerable narcissists may require more intense or direct provocation in order to respond aggressively. It may take direct insults or outright social rejection to push a vulnerable narcissist into aggression.
Researchers believe that grandiose narcissists may use this particular form of passive-aggressiveness to protect their inflated self-image. Feeling ignored threatens your perception of being dominant and likable. By subtly pointing out the flaws of others, you can assert your superiority and repair your ego. Because this tactic is indirect, it can maintain a superficial level of social harmony and avoid further exclusion.
Sabotage and exclusion, on the other hand, require more effort and carry a higher risk of detection. Planning to undermine a co-worker or intentionally excluding a co-worker clearly violates social norms. If a narcissist is caught engaging in these behaviors, they risk facing direct punishment or even deeper isolation from their social networks. Researchers suggest that provoking criticism may be a safer and more immediate method of retaliation.
This study relies entirely on self-reported survey data, which poses several limitations. People are often reluctant to admit that they have engaged in socially undesirable behavior such as sabotage or manipulation. This hesitation can lead to underreporting, making it difficult to understand the full extent of passive-aggressive behavior. Also, people may engage in passive-aggressive behavior without consciously realizing it, which is not easily captured in self-report surveys.
The study’s cross-sectional design also means that researchers cannot conclusively prove cause and effect. A narcissistic person may lash out when they feel left out, and vice versa. People who frequently humiliate or sabotage co-workers are more likely to be shunned by others as a result. Researchers suggest that this cycle of bad behavior and subsequent social exclusion is likely to repeat itself over time.
Understanding these behavioral patterns has practical applications in both workplace management and psychotherapy. In professional settings, promoting inclusive practices may reduce instances in which employees feel left out and, in turn, prevent covert bullying from occurring. Therapists working with highly narcissistic clients can focus on developing healthier ways to cope with feelings of social exclusion. Additionally, these insights could inform rehabilitation programs for ex-prisoners, who often face significant social stigma and exclusion upon release.
Future research should use longitudinal studies to track how these behaviors and feelings of exclusion influence each other over time. The researchers also recommend incorporating observation methods and interviews with colleagues to get a more accurate picture of people’s behavior. Collecting data from colleagues or romantic partners may avoid the bias associated with self-reporting. Exploring other aspects of narcissism can provide new insights into how covert aggression can negatively impact everyday relationships.
The study, “Narcissism and Passive Aggression: Testing the Moderating Effect of Perceived Ostracism,” was authored by Daniel Waldeck, Christiane M. Buettner, Rachel Leggett, Katie Brooker, Chris Smith, Ravi Dave, and Ian Tindall.
