New research published in personality journal suggests that having a highly narcissistic and hostile partner reduces overall relationship satisfaction. However, this personality trait does not necessarily accelerate the decline in satisfaction over time. The findings challenge the common belief that romantic relationships with narcissistic individuals are initially incredibly satisfying and inevitably become dysfunctional.
Scientists Gwendolyn Seidman and William J. Chopik conducted this study to better understand how specific traits associated with narcissism affect romantic relationships over time. Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a deep desire for excessive attention.
“Most of the research on narcissism focuses on the narcissist’s partner themselves. However, many theories about why narcissism is interpersonally harmful focus not only on the narcissist themselves, but also on the narcissist’s potential “This study documents how these characteristics influence both partners’ relationship satisfaction over time,” said study author Gwendolyn Seedman, associate professor of psychology at Michigan State University.
“These theories also focus on the differences between the short-term and long-term effects of narcissism on relationships. Narcissists tend to make a positive impression upon first meeting, but tend to engage in destructive behavior over the long term. The goal of this study was to determine whether narcissism has a downward trajectory on partners’ relationship satisfaction.”
Previous frameworks, such as the “chocolate cake model” proposed by researchers Amy Brunel and W. Keith Campbell, suggest that dating a narcissistic person can be very fun at first, but later become unhealthy. To test this idea, Seidman and Chopik focused on two different aspects of grandiose narcissism. These aspects are known as admiration and rivalry.
Narcissistic admiration involves a strong desire to be unique and special, which is often expressed through charming behavior and self-promotion. Narcissistic competitiveness is a more hostile trait that involves looking down on others. People with high rivalry act aggressively to maintain a sense of superiority.
Seedman and Chopik wanted to see if these two characteristics could cause relationship satisfaction to decline rapidly as the initial attraction of a new relationship wears off. To find the answer, researchers analyzed data from a large, nationally representative survey of German adults and their romantic partners.
The overall group included 5,869 couples of varying lengths of relationship. A smaller subgroup consisted of 533 couples who had been dating for less than 1 year. By tracking these different groups, scientists were able to compare brand new romances and established commitments.
To collect data, the researchers asked key participants to complete a short questionnaire. In this study, levels of both narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry were measured on a scale of 1 to 5.
Over a period of up to 6 years, both primary participants and their romantic partners rated their overall relationship satisfaction. They did this using a simple scale ranging from 0 indicating very dissatisfied to 10 indicating very satisfied. This dual-perspective approach provided a more complete picture of the relationship dynamics.
Researchers found evidence that narcissistic competitiveness tends to negatively impact relationship satisfaction. In a larger group of established couples, higher levels of competitiveness were associated with lower overall satisfaction for both narcissistic individuals and their partners.
The researchers noted that this negative effect was much stronger for the narcissistic individuals themselves than for their partners. People with strong rivalries may feel entitled to the perfect relationship. This sense of entitlement can leave you chronically disappointed, no matter how well your partner treats you.
In a smaller group of very new relationships, narcissistic competitiveness did not reduce relationship satisfaction. “We were surprised to find that the negative effects of narcissism were present in the entire sample of couples, but not in new couples who had been together for one to six years,” Seidman told SciPost. “These new couples showed no association between narcissism and satisfaction, meaning these new relationships were more resilient than we expected.”
Researchers suggest that during the early honeymoon phase of a relationship, partners may overlook or be unaware of hostile behavior. New couples often try their best to hide their flaws.
Narcissistic admiration, on the other hand, was not associated with relationship satisfaction in either group. A fascinating aspect of narcissism was that it never predicted how happy people would become with their romantic partners over time.
Looking at changes across the six-year period, relationship satisfaction generally declined for most couples. This is a common pattern in relationship research, as the initial excitement of romance naturally settles into routine.
Scientists initially thought that satisfaction levels would plummet in couples dealing with high levels of narcissistic competition. They expected to see a sharp decline once the narcissistic partner’s hostile traits could no longer be ignored.
Instead, the data shows that satisfaction declined at about the same pace for everyone. The decline in happiness was not accelerated by the partner’s level of narcissism. Relationship satisfaction for couples with highly competitive partners started out lower, but declined at exactly the same rate as couples without narcissistic traits.
“We found that there is no straight downward trajectory in relationship satisfaction for narcissistic individuals and their partners,” says Seidman. “We expected there to be this apparent downward slope, especially in new relationships. In fact, we found that in new relationships (those that began within a year of initial data collection), narcissism was not associated with lower satisfaction; the association was… It appeared only in the full sample, where the length of time couples had been together was quite different, suggesting that narcissism is corrosive, but does not diminish in the early years of a relationship; it appears gradually and over time. ”
These findings do not mean that narcissistic competition is harmless in the long run. Scientists suggest that damage caused by hostile partners can occur suddenly during large-scale conflicts. These sudden turning points may not be captured well by a slow and steady decline in annual surveys.
Additionally, narcissistic competitiveness can gradually undermine a partner’s sense of self-worth and independence. This emotional toll can occur without necessarily changing an individual’s simple assessment of overall relationship satisfaction. People may remain satisfied in their relationships even as they suffer emotional costs.
This study has several limitations that should be considered when interpreting the results. The scientists relied on very simple questionnaires to measure personality traits and used only one question to track relationship satisfaction. This limited approach can miss subtle changes in the way couples communicate and support each other.
The study also focuses on couples in established relationships who are willing to participate in multi-year projects together. Highly dysfunctional couples may have broken up before the study began. This means that the most harmful relationships may be invisible to researchers.
“This study looked at the level of narcissistic traits in the general population,” Seidman said. “These traits vary on a continuum. There are no clear criteria for determining whether a person is a narcissist. Also, this study does not apply to people with narcissistic personality disorder, who are likely not to be among the majority of participants in such a sample.”
Future research should use more detailed questionnaires and follow couples more frequently during the first few months of dating. Taking measurements of couples every few weeks may reveal exactly when the negative traits of narcissism begin to cause friction. The researchers also plan to measure other relationship outcomes.
“I’m going to look beyond outcomes like overall relationship satisfaction,” Seidman said. “My latest project focuses on how narcissistic people can undermine their partners’ basic needs for agency and competence.”
The study, “From Spark to Strain? Changes in Relationship Satisfaction as a Function of Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry,” was authored by Gwendolyn Seidman and William J. Chopik.
