A series of four studies found that indifference toward a romantic partner was associated with decreased relationship and personal well-being. It turns out that underlying this relationship is a feeling of boredom in the relationship, low intimacy, and a high desire for attractive alternatives. The paper is Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Apathy in a romantic relationship is a state in which a person does not feel strong positive or strong negative feelings toward their partner. This relationship is characterized by emotional neutrality and lack of emotional involvement, rather than love, excitement, anger, or frustration.
This lack of emotional investment can be especially problematic because romantic relationships typically rely on strong emotional bonds. When a partner becomes disinterested, interactions can become mechanical, routine, or emotionally empty. Apathy manifests as boredom, decreased interest in shared activities, and decreased desire for intimacy. People who feel indifferent toward their partner may also become more attentive to attractive options outside of the relationship.
Because apathy involves a lack of both positive and negative emotions, it may indicate emotional disengagement rather than active conflict. This condition can be difficult to address in couples therapy because there may be little emotional energy left to facilitate change. Over time, continued indifference increases the likelihood that the relationship will dissolve.
Study author Mirna Djuric and colleagues conducted a series of four studies examining the link between indifference and happiness in romantic relationships. They hypothesized that apathy is associated with decreased relationship satisfaction and personal well-being, and that this association may be caused by relationship boredom, attention to other areas of life (such as work, hobbies, friends and family, or attractive options), or decreased intimacy.
The authors conducted an initial test of their hypothesis in a pilot study with participants recruited through Prolific. Studies 1 and 2 were then conducted with 591 and 980 participants recruited through Prolific. The primary purpose of these studies was to develop and validate the Subjective Interpersonal Apathy Scale (an assessment for measuring apathy). Finally, participants in Study 3 were 360 individuals involved in a romantic relationship, recruited through a Dutch panel agency. These couples were followed for three years, allowing the study authors to examine the association longitudinally. Every 6 months during the study period, participants were asked to complete an online survey.
In Study 1, participants completed ratings of apathy (a scale developed by the study authors), relationship well-being, personal well-being (three items from the Life Satisfaction Scale plus stress and depression from the DASS-21), relationship boredom (a 15-item Relationship Boredom Scale), and general partner ratings.
In Study 2, the measure of relationship well-being was slightly adjusted, and the study authors added measures of intimacy, desire for attractive alternatives (e.g., “In the past two weeks, how often have you desired someone other than your partner?”), and focus on work, hobbies, or other people. Study 3 used the same assessment as in the previous study with minor adjustments to accommodate the longitudinal design.
Results from the first study showed that people experiencing higher levels of apathy considered breakups more often and experienced more relationship boredom. They tended to be less satisfied with their relationships, less committed, less trusting of their partners, and less satisfied with their lives. Importantly, these negative associations hold even when controlling for general partner devaluation, demonstrating that indifference is not just a byproduct of disliking a partner, but is uniquely detrimental to well-being.
Study 2 confirmed these results and further showed that apathy was associated with increased stress and more severe depressive symptoms. The authors tested a statistical model and proposed that the negative effects of apathy on happiness and relationship satisfaction are mediated by relationship boredom, decreased intimacy, and a desire for more attractive options.
Data supports these models. In other words, indifference toward a partner increases boredom, decreases intimacy, and causes individuals to seek more attractive alternatives. These factors decreased relationship satisfaction, trust, and life satisfaction, and increased stress, depression, and thoughts of breaking up.
However, the analysis also revealed that placing more emphasis on work, hobbies, or other people did not mediate the relationship between apathy and relationship well-being. While the desire for attractive alternatives explains many of the causes of relationship decline, simply channeling energy into non-romantic tasks did not.
The results of Study 3 generally support these findings over time. Although longitudinal relationships tended to be slightly weaker than concurrent relationships, initial apathy was still significantly associated with lower subsequent relationship satisfaction. This decline was reliably predicted by increased initial desire for attractive options, relationship boredom, and decreased intimacy.
“In contrast to the strongly positive and occasionally negative evaluations that people may experience in romantic relationships, some people experience indifference towards their romantic partners. Our findings demonstrate that this condition, characterized by simultaneously low positive and negative evaluations, is distressing and potentially harmful. Across four studies, we show that romantic partner indifference is associated with increased relationship boredom, increased desire for alternative partners, and decreased intimacy, which in turn is associated with poorer relationships and personal well-being.”
This study contributes to the scientific understanding that indifference toward a romantic partner is important for relationship quality and overall well-being. However, it should be noted that the observational design of these studies does not allow for definitive interpretation of causal relationships. Furthermore, all data were based on self-reporting, leaving room for reporting bias to influence the results.
The paper “Just Not That Into You: Experiences of Indifference Toward a Romantic Partner” was written by Mirna Juric, Francesca Righetti, Giulia Zoppolatto, and Iris K. Schneider.
