You’ve been on the dating market for months, wondering how you can get the attention of the right partner. How you tell your story may be just as important as what you say about yourself, according to new research. If you’re doing everything “right” but still feel like you’re not getting traction, this could be the reason.
“6’1. Outdoorsy. Ambitious. Sarcastic. Dog dad. Gym lover. Traveler. Foodie. Good at jokes. Good mood.”
When I was dating and scrolling through profiles, lists of adjectives like this turned off instantly. They felt strangely cold, as if they were reading car sales listings rather than meeting people. At the time, it was just a gut reaction. It took me several years (and three studies) to understand why that “sales” strategy backfired and what was more effective instead.
Ironically, even marketing companies, including car dealerships, have long understood the limitations of list functionality. They know that telling stories about their brands and products increases consumer curiosity, engagement, and emotional connection. It’s not just about buying a fast and safe car. Every time you travel, you are purchasing a legacy that will protect your family.
Why bullet points kill the charm
From cradle to grave, we are fascinated by a good story. Think about the last time someone said something really nice to you. You leaned forward, forgetting yourself for a moment. You were suddenly “out there” in their world instead of yours. In that immersive state, simply understand what’s going on you feel that. You care about the characters, you worry about their fate, and you want to know what happens next. 2 That feeling of “leaning in” is exactly what bullet points rarely create.
The story is not only interesting, but also useful for making decisions. 3 When we empathize with the characters and feel part of the story world, we process information in a more experiential (rather than analytical) way. This makes us much more receptive to what we are hearing than if we were just hearing a set of facts or bullet points. 4 Stories do more than just inform us. they make us feel something. And emotions drive decision-making.
Therefore, it will come as no surprise to learn that storytelling is being adopted as a marketing tool. Research supports these insights and shows that brands can differentiate themselves from others with the help of interesting stories. In this way, you can easily attract the attention of potential customers and stimulate their desire for your brand and its products, ultimately making people more likely to choose them over their alternatives. 2
We wanted to see if what works in the car market also works in the dating kingdom.
So we asked a simple question. If a story can sell cars, can it also make someone want to meet you?
Study 1 of 3 presented a single participant’s dating profile presenting either a narrative or non-narrative self-representation of a potential partner. After viewing a profile, participants reported empathy and romantic interest for the individual (potential partner) listed in the profile.
Study 1: Same facts but different things format
In the first study, narrative and non-narrative self-presentations contained the same basic information. The key difference was not what Potential partners revealed. it was how they made it clear.
Profile A: Non-narrative (facts only)
“Dan. I come from the world of art. I learned to play the guitar from an early age. My first guitar was a gift from my grandfather. I still play it often. It’s my main hobby. After graduating from high school, I traveled to South America with my friends. This trip was long and unforgettable. I tried out different kinds of sports and extreme activities, I also experienced different foods. I met many people and had meaningful conversations at different points in my life, especially during my travels. While preparing, I enrolled to get a bachelor’s degree in economics, and at the same time I was drinking wine and playing guitar.
however, the state of the story, This information was structured as a story with a plot in which potential partners experience causal events over time.
Profile B: Story (life in motion)
“Hi, I’m Dan. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been breathing art. My grandfather, may his memory be blessed, believed that music brings people together and gave me a guitar when I was seven years old, and it became an inseparable part of me. After graduating from high school, I went on a trip to South America with friends. I remember the incredible scenery, the amazing local food, and the extreme activities. I must say, the deep conversations I had with the people I met there taught me to understand what was important.”Towards the end of my life, I had to decide whether to stay in art or go in a new direction. Today, I’m an economics student working in the high-tech industry. But don’t worry. When I’m not studying or working, I love to end the day by drinking wine and playing my guitar on the balcony. Smile, I want to get to know you. ”
Research 2: Photos can tell a story too
The second study used photo self-presentation. This is because photos have a stronger impact on forming impressions than text in online dating profiles. 5 Participants viewed profiles of potential partners that included five photos that varied in the degree to which they “told a story.”
In narrative terms, the photographs depicted potential partners in different situations that unfolded like a typical day from morning until evening. Specifically, the photographs capture early activities such as exercise and studying, move through daily activities such as cooking, and culminate in evening endeavors such as socializing and family interactions. When viewed together, they created a consistent “slice of life” that provides a sense of who that person is and what it would be like to be together, by displaying different aspects of a potential partner’s life and relationship chronologically.
In the non-narrative condition, the pictures showed the same potential partner in a neutral environment, such as a park or street, and there was no thread of their connection.
Study 3: Real-world profiles
The third study examined whether self-presentation that combined written and visual cues, much like those on real-life dating platforms, produced the strongest effects on empathy and interest in potential partners. Here, participants viewed one of four profiles containing (a) a written self-presentation, either narrative or non-narrative, and (b) one of five self-descriptive photographs that were either narratively interconnected or not.
What did we find?
Narrative self-presentation in online dating profiles enhanced empathy for the individuals listed in the profiles. This increased empathy predicted increased romantic interest in potential partners.
why stories work
Storytelling actively counters the objectifying nature of online dating platforms by humanizing profiles and encouraging genuine emotional engagement. This type of self-presentation motivates date seekers to view the person on your profile as a fellow human being, not just a product. In this way, storytelling creates a rewarding emotional experience that goes beyond objective evaluation or simple fact-gathering, paving the way for a more meaningful initial dialogue. Overall, the narrative presentation promotes a sense of connection in the disconnected medium of online dating. And so even before a single message is sent.
Try this quick swap. Turn labels into living examples
Instead: “Interesting.”
“I laugh at my own jokes first. That’s part of my charm.”
Instead: “Outdoorsy.”
“Most weekends, I disappear on the trail, come back tanned, and vow to bring more water next time.”
Instead: “independent”.
“I love alone time, and I love choosing to share it with others.”
Look at your last texts and profile. Did you write a list or tell the scene? Try replacing one bullet point with a story today and see how it makes you feel.
Take-out
Although we are fascinated by stories, we continue to write our dating profiles like shopping lists. After all, it’s not height or ambition that makes someone fall in love with you. It’s your whole story. And the right person can’t feel it from the bullet points.
References:
- Birnbaum, G. E., and Zoltak, K. (2026). Once upon a swipe: The impact of storytelling on the attractiveness of dating profiles. Psychology of popular media.
https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000661 - Green, M. C., Block, T. C. (2000). The role of transportation in the persuasiveness of public narratives. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79(5), 701–721. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.79.5.701
- Junior, JRDO, Limongi, R., Lim, W. M., Eastman, J. K., and Kumar, S. (2023). Stories that sell: The impact of storytelling on consumer buying behavior. Psychology and Marketing, 40(2), 239–261. https://doi.org/10.1002/mar.21758
- Van Laer, T., Feireisen, S., and Visconti, L. M. (2019). Storytelling in the digital age: A meta-analysis of relevant moderators of narrative transport effects. Business Research Journal, 96135–146. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jbusres.2018.10.053
- Van der Zanden, T., Mos, M. B., Shouten, A. P., and Krahmer, E. J. (2022). What people see in multimodal online dating profiles: How pictorial and textual cues influence impression formation. communication studies, 49(6), 863–890. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650221995316
