New research published in Journal of Sex Research Evidence shows that when teenage daughters talk humorously about sex with their mothers, they tend to have better sexual well-being. The same study suggests that when mothers use humor during conversations, it can actually make daughters less willing to open up. These findings reveal how how families interact during sensitive discussions shapes healthy sexual development in teenagers.
Discussing sexuality is often an uncomfortable experience for both parents and teens. Student and educational consultant Rotem Shumil Itzhak and Professor Yaniv Efrati, head of the Addictive Behaviors Laboratory at the Faculty of Education at Bar-Ilan University, wanted to explore whether humor could alleviate this tension.
“Sex education is a very important and meaningful topic for conversations between parents and adolescents,” the researchers explained. “But in reality, these conversations are often accompanied by embarrassment, discomfort, avoidance, and silence.”
Researchers noted that many parents have trouble starting or continuing these conversations naturally. “One way to make these conversations less threatening is to use humor,” they said. “Humor can reduce tension, make interactions more relaxed, and help parents and adolescents approach sensitive topics in a more open and comfortable way.”
They noted that in the Jewish-Israeli community where the study was conducted, sexuality is often considered a very sensitive topic due to conservative social norms. “Used appropriately, humor can act as a bridge to transform conversations about sexuality from an awkward or avoided discussion to an opportunity for connection, guidance, and support,” the researchers added.
To answer their questions, scientists gathered 98 mother-daughter pairs from all over Israel, for a total of 196 participants. The teenage daughters’ ages ranged from 14 to 18 years, and their mothers’ ages ranged from 40 to 63 years. To ensure genuine participation and avoid spurious online responses, research assistants met face-to-face with mothers to explain the study before providing access to the digital questionnaire.
Mothers and daughters then completed separate confidential online surveys that took approximately 14 minutes. To link the pairs without compromising privacy, each duo received a unique identification code. The researchers also checked internet addresses to ensure that mothers and daughters completed the survey on different devices.
The study asked participants to rate how often they use humor when discussing sexuality with others. The researchers also measured the frequency and frankness of sexual communication. Additional questions assessed the level of parental control over the conversation and the extent to which daughters kept secrets from their mothers.
Finally, the girls completed a comprehensive questionnaire to assess their sexual health. Adolescent sexual well-being involves more than simply avoiding risky behaviors. This includes young people’s sense of control over their sexual experiences, resilience to difficult situations, and general acceptance of their own evolving sexuality.
The researchers used statistical modeling to examine how one person’s actions influence their own outcomes, known as actor effects. They also looked at partner effects, which measure how one person’s actions affect another person’s outcomes. This allowed us to separate individual coping strategies from broader relationship dynamics.
The data showed that when daughters used humor, their communication about sex with their mothers was more open and frequent. “The findings point to a complex and nuanced answer,” the scientists noted. “When daughters themselves used humor in conversations about sexuality, the conversations tended to be more open, direct, and less emotional.”
Humor also helped the girls communicate openly, which led to healthier development. “In this context, humor may function as a personal resource that reduces embarrassment and allows adolescents to approach sensitive topics more naturally,” the researchers explained. “In our study, daughters’ use of humor was positively associated with their own open sexual communication, and through this openness, it also led to improved sexual well-being, including greater confidence, understanding, and more positive attitudes toward sexuality.”
When mothers used humor, the results were in the opposite direction. “We began our study with the assumption that humor may help reduce embarrassment in conversations about sex, so we expected mothers’ use of humor to be associated with more open sexual communication and improved sexual well-being in their daughters,” the scientists explained. “But we were surprised to find out that was not the case.”
Analyzes showed that mothers’ humor was associated with less open communication from their daughters. Mothers’ humor was indirectly associated with lower daughters’ sexual well-being scores because it reduced daughters’ willingness to communicate openly. “From the daughters’ perspective, mothers may be seen as part of the adult world, and they may not necessarily feel safe or supportive when parents bring humor into conversations about sexuality,” the researchers observed.
Rather, maternal humor may make you feel more uncomfortable, out of place, or cause further embarrassment. Scientists propose that this difference is due to power dynamics and how messages are interpreted. “There are natural differences in roles, authority, and developmental stages in mother-daughter relationships, and the same communication tool can have different meanings depending on the person using it,” they said.
A teenager’s humor is a spontaneous way of feeling safe, whereas a mother’s humor can come across as derogatory or judgmental towards the teenager. Scientists also looked at whether it might be helpful for mothers and daughters to have similar humor styles. They found that matching levels of humor had no effect on the results. The daughter’s own use of humor and overall openness of conversation were the main factors supporting her positive sexual development.
As with all research, there are some limitations. “This is a cross-sectional study based on a self-report questionnaire and dyadic analysis, so caution should be used when interpreting the results,” the scientists cautioned. “Although the results show a meaningful association, we cannot draw conclusions about causation or the direction of the effect.”
Participants may have responded in a manner they deemed socially acceptable, especially given the sensitive nature of the topic. Although the study measured the extent to which humor was used, it did not examine the specific types of jokes or playful comments made. Different styles of humor can have very different effects on a conversation.
The researchers suggest that future studies should look at conversations over time to see exactly how the humor unfolds. “Future research should investigate different types of humor in a broader range of parent-child relationships, including father-son, mother-son, and father-daughter relationships,” the researchers suggested. “Understanding how educators use humor and how youth respond to it can provide a broader perspective on humor’s role in creating open, comfortable, and meaningful conversations about sexuality.”
Ultimately, this study suggests that parents should leave it up to their teens to guide their tone. “We believe that, when used appropriately, humor can also play an important role in conversations about sexuality,” the researchers conclude. “It eases tension, makes difficult topics feel more approachable, and supports more open communication with youth.”
“At the same time, our findings suggest that humor should be used judiciously. In issues related to sexuality, humor is most helpful when it respects adolescents’ comfort, timing, and personal boundaries. When used thoughtfully, it may contribute to more open discussion and support healthier sexual development in adolescents.”
The study, “Humor and sexual well-being outcomes in sexual communication between mother-daughter dyads,” was authored by Lotem Schmil-Itzhak and Yaniv Efrati.
